Tips for When You're Facing Divorce

Divorce Survival Kit

By Elisabeth Camaur, California Family Attorney & Mediator

Getting married is fairly simple… but, a divorce (especially in California) can be extremely complicated and costly. Yet, the majority of marriages now appear to be heading or ending in divorce. Over the years, it has become crystal clear that most litigation is fueled by fear. Fear of your spouse’s motives… fear of the financial consequences… fear of allowing the other parent to control certain aspects of the children’s lives. The fear becomes exaggerated and the litigation compounds when the parties emotionally react to each other. A divorce attorney who truly acts in their client’s interests will attempt to subdue the emotions, not ignite… and will attempt to work towards finding opportunities for their client’s while calming the chaos of an ending marriage. But, typically, a divorce attorney will focus on the documents to gather, the records to keep, the experts to hire.

But to truly survive in the human sense, the divorcing litigant needs some pro-active planning, preparation and strategy. When followed, I have seen these tips not only help a divorcee survive, but help them flourish:

Make a List of Some of Your Life Long Dreams: At a time when your life seems to be falling apart, focusing on goals and dreams can help bring the passion of life back. Actually, sit down and write out your dreams and goals. Take each dream and goal and write down the steps you will need to take to reach that goal. Seriously try this, you may actually find yourself excited and giddy about life again!

Do Not Emotionally React to Your Spouse: When faced with a divorce, you may be in a situation when you know your buttons are being pushed. Instead of reacting with your emotions, be proactive. Think about those goals and where you want to be in life. Instead of reacting, take steps that further these goals. What happens to you has very little to do with the outcome…. Most of the outcome is based on how you react. Be proactive and focused on where you want your life to go and drive it there.

Do Not Try To Be “Right” Or “Win”: The marriage probably ended because of the adversarial relationship between you and your spouse… “I’m right and you are wrong”… “I win and you lose.” No matter how many hearings you “win” during litigation, the only winner will be the lawyers. Family law is not about winning. The win/lose mentality also only fuels the fear factor that fuels the litigation. And, pretty soon, the spouses are spending tens of thousands of dollars just to “win.” Think about the consequences of each legal strategy move before you start litigating. What do you want to accomplish? What is the best way to obtain that result? Focus on the results you want in your life and strategize your divorce to help you reach those goals.

Listen to Your Spouse Before You Attempt to Argue: Really try to focus on their true concerns so you can evaluate their priorities. Once you hear what your spouse says, you can respond in a way that is much more likely to be tailored to obtain the result you want. You may very well be able to tailor a resolution that can address their top concerns. But, unless your spouse feels that he/she is heard and understood, they will most likely just keep arguing their same points and will not be open to other options . Also, you need to listen to be able to anticipate arguments and strategies.

Do Not Allow Fear to Block Important Information You Need: Many times people in pain put their head in the sand and ignore information that they feel may escalate their pain. But, information is power. If your spouse controlled the finances, then you are going to have to learn about it now and start educating yourself. Moreover, this information may very well help you find the opportunity for your life after divorce. Do not let fear stifle you. If you have information that is damaging, at least you can begin actions for damage control if you know the facts. But, you cannot grow and flourish in the dark.

Most people in a divorce feel they have been wronged. But the role of a victim will not help you… it will stifle you. You married this person and put yourself into that situation. It is extremely unlikely you were forced to marry your spouse at gun point. So, look forward, learn from your choice and grow. If you spend your divorce focusing on the regret and blame, you will not see your opportunities. This does not mean that the divorce or abuse is your fault… it means use this pain to grow. If you insist on over analyzing the way your spouse victimized you or spend your time arguing why you are entitled, you are reacting. Yes, there are responsibilities and duties in family law. But rather than spend your time focused on the past, you can create your survival and opportunity by planning your dreams. And, from the pain and chaos of the broken marriage you can emerge a stronger and better person who is heading towards making dreams come true.

Successful, Professional Women And Problems With Dating

The Successful Independent Woman: Why Can’t She Find a Great Guy?

Everyone has an attractive, single friend that seems to have it all going on: health, career, great hobbies, sense of humor, intelligence…yet she can’t seem to stay in a relationship long enough to introduce him to her dog. Good sense tells us that this “diamond” of a individual deserves to find the perfect match. Why doesn’t she connect with any of the many suitors that line up at her doorstep? Perhaps you are this individual who looks in the mirror and wonders why your mother is still hounding you about when….

Although many people thrive as singles; others long for the company and support that comes from a life-long relationship. Today’s women juggle challenging careers, social obligations, commitments to keep healthy with exhausting exercise regimes, and the need to keep current with continuing education efforts. With schedules over-booked, friends and family often take a back seat to conferences and personal trainers. How then can today’s “superwomen” nurture relationships with potential life partners? If you are still waiting for Prince Charming ask yourself if you are ready to enter into a relationship that demands attention and emotional maturity.

Steven Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, recognizes three levels of emotional maturity: dependence, independence and interdependence. Such a statement sends the modern woman into a tail spin, because the Feminist Movement has taught us to have it all… be all… the independent woman. And, after all of our efforts to achieve and grow as independent women, now we are mediocre on the emotional maturity scale?

We seem wiser and better prepared for everything we do, yet, divorce is on the rise… resentment and dissatisfaction with relationships are on the rise. And, if we stop for a second during our busy lives, when the chaos and hubbub settle, we may sadly notice a lack of emotional intimacy in our relationships. This becomes obvious when married couples who have outlasted the seven year itch tell you “marriage is a lot of work…” What?! Marriage is a lot of work… but, if you work really, really hard, you can tolerate it ?! Yikes! Talk about happily ever after!

Most of my contemporaries are professional women, highly educated—and single or unhappily married. Why aren’t these wonderful, successful women finding happiness in their relationships ? Unfortunately, modern western culture brings up little girls on fairy tales… the stories of the damsel in distress being rescued by a handsome hero and living happily ever after. Those stories illustrate how once the princess gets married, she will be happy because the prince will make her happy. This fairy tale expectation sets up women for dissatisfaction and unrealistic expectations for our poor princes.

We all know that happiness comes from the inside-from our own goals and dreams. And, if you search for happiness from the outside (whether it be a great pair of shoes, ice cream, a race car, or other people) you will be disappointed. That doesn’t mean that we cannot find it through our children or our spouses, but they are not responsible for our happiness nor do they create it. We define our own happiness; it is not something automatically implanted in our lives with the wedding band.

So, are women set up to be disappointed in relationships with false expectations? Are men set up to disappoint? Most of us don’t even know what makes us happy. This problem is exemplified when someone asks the question “where would you like to go to dinner?” Most successful women will respond “It doesn’t matter, dear. Where would you like to go?” Ok, now how is the Prince supposed to make you happy by picking the right restaurant? This leaves him frustrated. He is helpless and emasculated in his failure to please. But this scenario can easily be transformed into a positive experience: if you respond to his questions with, “I’d love jumbo shrimp,” then the prince will be thrilled to find the best shrimp restaurant in the land. Instead of brewing frustration he’ll be proud of himself when the best jumbo shrimp in town are appreciatively devoured. He made you happy. You told him what you wanted, and he found it. When men feel that they cannot make a woman happy, they become frustrated and they often lose interest. Yes, they will even lose interest in that fantastic, successful independent woman!

Now, what compounds the problem is that successful women can easily confuse “dependence” with “interdependence.” The Feminist movement took us from dependence to independence. But, interdependence is a partnership and an ability to work together. Independent women are uncomfortable in situations where they admit to vulnerability and allow their Prince to take over. Instead, successful women focus on protecting their independence and avoiding any possible appearance of a need that they cannot handle themselves. Successful women view vulnerability as a weakness… and most will deny any such thoughts. But, then, if there is no vulnerability… no unfulfilled need, where does their man fit in? And, soon he becomes frustrated and emasculated as his value and ability to contribute erodes.

Now let’s go back to this fairy tale. The independent success woman has been raised on these fairy tales. So, she thirsts for the promised happiness after her BIG DAY, yet, she is less willing to allow assistance and partnership with anyone. She hides her needs and wants from others who offer help, and she locks them in her tower These are intolerable weaknesses., and, her husband sits outside the dungeon with little or nothing to do, whileher resentment builds with the broken promises of happily ever after.

Now what is truly stopping the successful woman from interdependence? Is it the fear of becoming their mothers? Is it the fear of losing independence or not meeting the expectations that come with success? Or maybe it’s the fear of true emotional intimacy? Maybe she fears the loss of control and the potential to be let down? What ever the reason, she sits protected on her island with a concrete wall that protects her from the potential of these vulnerabilities. And, the Prince sits frustrated and worn out at the shores of the moat, unable to contribute to her happiness despite his efforts.

So how then does the successful woman reach the higher level of emotional maturity-Interdependence? She should take specific steps toward inner growth, and if you are searching for the secret for developing lasting relationships, consider the following:

1. Define what you want to get out of a relationship. Women usually state what they will contribute. Instead, do soul searching for your own emotional and physical needs. Yes, we all have needs. Women need to begin to admit they have needs and define them.

2. Identify the qualities in a Prince that are required to meet those needs. This is not income or physical attributes. These are qualities in a partner that you need in order to help you be a better person. What are the qualities in a man that will inspire and motivate you?

3. Discuss the short term and long term goals for your life with your Prince. Identify how each of you will contribute to reaching those goals. And, have this discussion often.

4. Be proactive, not reactive. As Charles R. Swindoll said “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.” When you emotionally react, you respond with blame, anger, hysterics, and resentment. Instead, be proactive. Put the focus on what you want to achieve and the consequences you want to occur. And, act according to that plan. If you stay calm and in control focused on your goals, you are less likely to have unintended consequences. For example, if your Prince is upset and terminates a conversation, do not repeatedly call him. This will deter him from wanting to speak with you and possibly lead to a restraining order. Instead, take time off, occupy your time with a distraction (like an outing with friends) and allow time to pass for things to cool off and for him to miss you.

5. Tell your Prince how he can make you happy. When he asks where you want to go for dinner, TELL HIM… don’t pass. Tell him your favorite perfume… your favorite flower… your favorite chocolate. And, allow him to do things for you. When he brings you your favorite flower, let him know you appreciate it. Do not undervalue it with “you shouldn’t have…” or “we can’t afford this…” Don’t undervalue yourself. You work hard and deserve it, OF COURSE he should!!! And, he did!!! So, tell him how wonderful he is and how much you appreciate him. Men want to do things to contribute to our happiness. Encourage him.

The Feminist Movement brought women from dependant to independent. Now it’s time that women move ahead to the higher level of maturity… Interdependence. Sure, we can do it all… we can be completely self sufficient… but, we have sacrificed true emotional intimacy with our Princes. We have lost the ability to identify our own happiness and the Princes are left with no role in our lives. Being Interdependent does not mean that we will turn back the Feminist Movement and end up in the roles of our mothers. It means that we are open to a connection and partnership where we admit we have needs and allow our Princes to meet our needs. Once we allow ourselves to define our needs for happiness and allow others to help meet those needs, we might just start down the path to creating our own happiness…. Together.

© 2010 Elisabeth Camaur

If Facing A Divorce: Information Early On Can Prevent Serious Issues Later

Ignorance is Bliss?

If divorce is even a remote possibility—Consult with a family law attorney to gain perspective on issues that affect your family’s future.

By Elisabeth Camaur, Attorney

Every relationship goes through ups and downs, but when every day seems like a downer—it may be time to get information on precautionary measures in case separation might be in your future. Even when both parties try to make relationships work, irreconcilable differences can lead good people to divorce courts. Despite efforts to resolve problems—vacations, advice of friends, clergy support, therapy, and deep soul-searching—many relationships never recover. Even if you have yet to reach the point of no return, you might benefit from discussing your situation and educating yourself by consulting with an ethical family law specialist.

Meeting with a lawyer doesn’t spell the end of a relationship, and many people wait too long to reach out, for fear that seeing an attorney guarantees divorce. What people don’t know is that a good divorce attorney will be able to help them understand facts that may influence their decisions. Furthermore, these specialists can clarify issues that can be remedied, or they may direct clients to professionals who can help with areas of life that cause stress and disputes. Often, when dissatisfied spouses are enlightened with an educated and experienced perspective, they develop a new self esteem and improve the dynamics of their relationships.

An attorney can help clarify expectations within a marriage, which can keep spouses together. Many times the marriage benefits from the creation of a marital agreement (like a prenuptial agreement, but after marriage). A marital agreement is a tool the spouses can use to put their financial expectations on paper and reach agreements on how to handle their finances and other issues.

In cases where divorce is eminent, an attorney can prepare individuals to enter into divorce negotiations with pertinent facts and detailed understanding of their rights and responsibilities. He or she will help navigate the complicated and important issues that come with the possibility of a separation of two lives. Waiting too long to see a professional often causes irreparable harm in respect to asset distribution, future income, and custody. Are you willing to risk your future and your children’s welfare?

When faced with the possibility of a divorce, consider reasons for seeing a family law attorney early in the game:

Know Your Options. A good family law attorney can discuss legal options related to the domestic dispute. Is divorce the answer? Is there an alternative? Should you consider a marital agreement?... a legal separation?... Do you qualify for an annulment? And, how should you protect yourself during reconciliation attempts? A family law attorney can provide information about your options, even if you're not sure about divorce. Information is power.

Obtain Information About Your Rights.
The decisions you make during a family law case affect you and your children for the rest of your lives. No one should make these decisions lightly or without proper counsel regarding their rights under the law. As with any legal case, divorce candidates need representation without bias or conflict of interest. Never trust the other side to represent your interests, or even to explain your rights under the law. You must educate yourself and understand your rights to properly evaluate the situation.

Protect Your Assets.
During a divorce, a family’s finances are evaluated and restructured. Property, including investments, real estate, retirements and personal items, will be examined and divided. Even the family pet may be allocated to one spouse over the other. Additionally, benefits such as life insurance policies, stock options and even personal days off of work may be treated as property in a divorce. These financial issues can be worked out by coming to an agreement through mediation, on your own or through your attorneys…or these issues can be heavily litigated in the courts when agreements are not made. And, pending a divorce, the Court may freeze or put restrictions on the spouse’s rights to access and/or liquidate their assets. In order to prepare for this aspect of divorce, individuals contemplating any separation should seek the advice of a lawyer as soon as possible to determine the effect a divorce can have on their future financial planning.

Gather Information Regarding Parental Responsibilities.
During a family law dispute, remember that the parents' decisions and behavior can change the lives of their children forever. Parents must be especially sensitive to their children’s needs during marital strife. Keep the home as civil as possible for your children . Whether you stay with your spouse or separate, arguing and having hostile bickering greatly affects your child. Remember to approach parenting as a team where possible.

Take measures to ensure that the children are not emotionally battered or dragged into the conflicts between their parents. Children need stability and security. A good lawyer can provide advice for parenting plans that will work in the best interests of your children. In addition, a good lawyer can refer clients to counselors and therapists who can help your family get through the difficult times. A good family law attorney can provide information about classes for co-parenting and help with tips on how to deal with an unreasonable spouse on parenting issues.

Everyone has heard stories of couples who divorce, and one partner wipes out the bank account before the other saw what was coming. The typical nightmare includes an uninformed spouse at the gas station who discovers that credit cards have been canceled and bank accounts closed. Or, a spouse moves out and tells the other to charge everything on a credit card… later he or she discovers that the post-separation charges are now a separate debt and they are not eligible for retroactive support. And all the while, this trusting person has gone without legal advice trusting that their spouse will take care of the details. Unfortunately, all is seldom fair in love and war. And, a divorce can be the worst of both worlds.

When is it Time?

Your family deserves the best, well-informed decisions. How can you possibly make those decisions without knowing your rights and obligations. A good family law attorney should approach your situation as a problem solver not as fuse to escalate the hostilities. When should you seek legal advice regarding your marriage? You should seek counsel if:

· You have experienced dissatisfaction in your marriage for a long period of time. This may range from months to years, depending on the severity of the dissatisfaction.

· Your children are being affected by the hostilities between you and your spouse.

· You believe that your spouse is hiding assets or income.

· You are repeatedly arguing over financial problems.

· You suspect that your spouse is dissatisfied, or suspect infidelity.

· You live in fear of your spouse, or if your disagreements have resulted in physical harm or threats. (An attorney can direct you to protective services/agencies if you need immediate protection.)

Searching for an Attorney

If you proceed to a divorce action, your attorney will become your partner in navigating through the storm. You should find an attorney who is looking out for your best interests and will not unnecessarily create hostilities or litigation. His or her support will set the tone on how events will be handled and resolved. He or she will direct your position during negotiations and settlements, so you must find an attorney that you can trust to represent your thoughts and desires. This person will be trusted with personal information, family histories and your future outlook—be certain that you are comfortable with the attorney you select and that he or she demonstrates the strength and conviction to confront your opposition. Moreover, it is essential that your attorney focus on your best interests, whether that be a divorce or help with reconciliation.

Rob and Victoria separated after 13 years of marriage. The marriage had been stagnant for some time and when Rob’s employer enacted salary cuts, the home environment became very hostile with financial stress. Rob handled the finances throughout their union, and he kept the family in a comfortable lifestyle, so Victoria had no reason to complain—until she learned that Rob had failed to build the savings she expected. Rob began to limit Victoria’s spending for the household and became secretive about their finances. Soon Rob kept himself occupied with “monkey business” when he traveled for work. As soon as she suspected trouble in paradise, Victoria called a family law attorney to find out how she could survive if they went through a divorce. Because Victoria was in no danger, and because Rob continued to pay the household expenses, she decided to stay in the house. During this time she was able to gather and copy important documents, including bank account statements, credit card statements, insurance policy statements, and Rob’s pension plan statement. She brought the information she discovered into the family law attorney to discuss a “what if” scenario. This information helped to establish a “ball park financial picture” for Victoria with which she could evaluate the financial reality should the marriage end. Victoria was terrified and felt dependant on Rob. But now she was taking her head out of the sand and began to feel more empowered by the information and education about her financial choices. Rob had led her to believe that she could not financially survive without him and that she would be left penniless if they separated.

The family law attorney also discussed Victoria’s dissatisfaction with her current situation and her own personal goals. Victoria was referred to and sought the advice of a psychologist who helped her work on building her self esteem, which had been eroded over the past few years. Victoria had lost her “self” during the years she spent as a stay-at-home mother and wife. She spent so much energy caring for others, that she no longer had any idea what her dreams were. The therapist helped Victoria focus on her personal goals, and Victoria started to revert back into the strong, self-assured woman with whom Rob fell in love. Rob voluntarily stopped his “monkey business” and focused on working on the marriage. Informed as to the financial details of their marriage, Victoria requested that Rob work on a marital agreement so that their finances would not come between them again. Rob agreed and moved back into the home a month later.

Finding a good attorney might begin with an online search—but be judicious in your selection. A trusted friend may be able to recommend an attorney, based on personal experience. You may also check with clergy or therapists—but understand that they will recommend attorneys who agree with their doctrines. Above all, you want an attorney who is well versed in family law, and who you can trust to work for your interests. Some state bars certify family law specialists who have extensive expertise. You should interview a few attorneys—either by phone or in person—until you find someone who feels right and who does not seem set on litigating every issue. Interview attorneys with the big picture in mind. If you cannot afford a retainer, many attorneys provide consultations on an hourly basis without the necessity of committing to a retainer. These are typically a “pay as you go” scenario. They may not be your attorney of record and attend the hearings, but if you need help with paperwork or advice regarding a potential hearing or settlement, it’s better to seek information in an hourly consultation than to wing it—Be safe, not sorry.

Review Qualifications

After you have identified a person or a few people that “feel right,” check their credentials and their practices. Contact the state bar to find out if there is a record of discipline about this attorney. Look at their website and see if they have written any material that seems helpful. How experienced the attorney is in the area of family law is very important. Family law encompasses many other fields: real estate, tax, contract law, etc. In today’s world, many family law cases are intertwined with bankruptcies. Family law requires extensive experience with how these other legal fields interact in your life. An inexperienced or uninformed attorney can do more damage than good. And, an attorney who is focused on litigation, trickery and hostilities can create additional harm. In many states, allegations of domestic violence in the divorce case can have huge ramification on child custody, child support and even spousal support. Abusing this process by trumping or exaggerating such allegations is not only unethical but extremely damaging to your children and the future of both parties. Do not allow an attorney to make outrageous claims and fabricate allegations just to get a litigation advantage.

You are not Alone

A good family-law lawyer approaches every case as a "problem solver," not as a vehicle to escalate the issues between the parties. Good attorneys offer information and options. The divorce process can be very fluid. When you begin the process, the limbo is terrifying: Where will I live? When will I see my kids? How much money will I have? Will my retirement remain intact? Will we need to sell our home? A good family law attorney will help navigate a road map for you and help you evaluate the options you will face.

Time will tell if you proceed to file for divorce or reconcile your current situation, but knowledge is always power.

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Divorce and separation are integral parts of our society. Although, statistics can be confusing, we agree that divorce happens more frequently than we would like to see. According to divorceguide.com: “Around 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and 65% of second marriages fail.” Rates increase for further marriages. Although we would like to see these rates diminish and for couples to live in a happy union, if you must go through a divorce you should try to approach it in a manner in which you can resolve it as amicably as possible. Your attorney should not be pushing you into divorce, but discuss your options and what is best for you and your family. .

Many unhappily married couples who stand on the edge of divorce struggle between just “making it work” and actually getting a divorce. If they are diligent, they may explore family counseling to try to reconcile their differences. But at what point should you see a divorce attorney? Whenever you suspect that events might lead to separation—whether initiated by you or by your spouse, Don’t wait until your spouse has turned off your credit card or had you arrested on trumped up charges. Protect your family’s future with information and know your options. Ignorance is not bliss... in Family Law, ignorance can cause great harm to children, assets and finances.

ABOUT AUTHOR:
http://www.CamaurCrampton.com/

Elisabeth Camaur is an attorney and Certified Family Law Specialist by the California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization with the firm of Camaur Crampton Family Law in Irvine, California. Camaur has been providing family law services to clients in California since 1993. In 1994, she also became licensed in Virginia and has practiced family law in the Washington, DC area. Camaur is well known for her courtroom litigation presence, her ability to litigate and settle hostile child custody cases, her experience in Interstate/International child custody jurisdictional issues, her management and resolution of complex financial issues in family law cases and her skills as a mediator.

Collaborative Divorce Solutions

www.youtube.com/user/collaborativedivorce

New Social Networking Family Law Group For California Divorce & Child Custody Issues

Linkedin Group- California Family Law: Divorce & Child Custody Issueshttp://www.linkedin.com/groups?home=&gid=2008025&trk=anet_ug_hm

Superior Court of California info on divorce & child custody

Online info on divorce & custody through CA Courts: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/divorce/

Divorce & Child Custody info from State Bar of CA

State Bar of CA: "What should I know about Divorce & Custody" http://www.calbar.ca.gov/state/calbar/calbar_generic.jsp?cid=10581&id=2177

Is There A Divorce Survival Kit?

IS THERE A DIVORCE SURVIVAL KIT?:

More than half the people we know are divorced or very unhappily married... and yet, it’s so much more difficult to get divorced than married. For marriage, you simply need a marriage certificate and someone to officiate the ceremony...whether it’s your local minister, the justice of the peace or an Elvis impersonator in Vegas, the requirements are loose and easily obtainable in a matter of minutes. Yet, to undo the marital bond, it seems spouses must endure the confusing (seemingly insurmountable) paperwork, huge legal bills and microscopic investigation.Some people attempt to simplify their lives and their divorce by attempting to obtain a divorce without the assistance of lawyers. This can be the fatal mistake. It is extremely foolish to attempt a divorce without a knowledgeable family law attorney. Family law has become increasingly complicated and technical in California. And, divorces can become much more complicated and costly if first attempted without the proper guidance.
Once married, spouses are held under California law as fiduciaries to each other. In 1993, the California legislature enacted requirements that spouses provide full disclosure to each other of assets, liabilities, income and expenses prior to a property division in a divorce case. A court will not enter a divorce until the proper disclosures have been made and forms completed. Moreover, in 1993 the legislature also enacted laws which give courts the discretion to set aside (undo) divorce judgments if they were obtained through fraud, perjury, duress, mental incapacity, mistake or if one of the parties failed to comply with the stringent disclosure requirements. Even after a divorce is entered, there is potential that the entire divorce will be undone if it was not completed properly the first time with the required disclosures. With the increased cost and difficulty in obtaining a divorce, many couples live separated for years without being able to complete their divorce. And, in fact, even attorneys with other specialities have extreme difficulty obtaining their own divorces without the assistance of a family law attorney.
Ultimately, the best way to get through the trauma of a divorce is to meet with a family law attorney and discuss the options for resolving the matter amicably first. If the case can be resolved through agreement, then the parties have the option to work collaboratively or through mediation to provide the disclosures and complete the divorce. This is the most efficient and least costly method to complete the divorce (both financially and emotionally). If the parties are not able to reach an agreement on all issues, then they should attempt to resolve any issues they can and narrow down the issues that will require litigation. It should be both parties’ goal to keep the litigation down to a minimum. Both parties will have more control to creatively work through their issues if done outside of court.
Some family law attorneys, retired judges and retired commissioners also provide services as mediators who can assist couples in reaching agreements after inspecting and having the parties complete the proper disclosures to each other. A mediator cannot represent either party, but instead provides services to couples who want to reach agreements. Each spouse may choose to have their own separate family law attorney review and advise them regarding an agreement reached at mediation. Either way, if the parties can reach an agreement at mediation, it will save them significant financial and emotional anguish.
If litigation is necessary, then having the right lawyer can make the difference in the outcome. Having an attorney who has substantial knowledge and experience in family law is imperative. This is your life... your family....you should be able to trust that the attorney will be working for your best interests and is knowledgeable on how to approach the issues in your case. You want your divorce to be a memory... not a reoccurring nightmare.

Is It Time To See A Family Law Attorney?- California Family Law

IS IT TIME TO SEE A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY?...http://www.cramptonlaw.com
When faced with the possibility of a divorce or custody issue, here are specific reasons why seeing a family law attorney right away can save you from problems later:
- To Learn Your Options: A good family law attorney can discuss the different legal options you have when you face a domestic dispute. Is divorce the answer? Is there an alternative? How should I protect myself during reconciliation attempts? A family law attorney can give you information as to your options, even if you're not sure about divorce.
- To Obtain Information On Your Rights: The decisions you make during a family law case can affect you and your children the rest of your lives. No one should make these decisions without properly being informed of their rights under the law. You should not trust the other side to properly explain your rights under the law. You should educate yourself to your rights through a consultation with a qualified attorney. Many attorneys will provide consultation on an hourly basis without the necessity of a big retainer. You should get the information you need to make these very important decisions as soon as you can. Ignorance is not bliss... in Family Law, ignorance can cause great harm to your family, your assets and your finances.
- To Preserve Your Assets & Protect Against Unnecessary Joint Debt: During a divorce, the families' finances can be examined and divided by the Court. It is important to get legal advice as soon as possible to protect your financial future. If you have a will, living trust, life insurance policies, and other assets with named beneficiaries, it is important that you seek the advice of a lawyer as soon as possible to determine the effect a divorce may have on your estate planning. Many times waiting until someone has filed for a divorce is too late.
- To Get Information On Parental Responsibilities During the Dispute: During a family law dispute it is important to remember that the parents' decisions and behavior can change the lives of their children. Parents need to be especially sensitive to their children during a custody battle. It is important that the children are not emotionally battered and dragged into the conflicts between their parents. A good lawyer can provide advice as to parenting plans that will work in the best interests of your children. In addition, a good lawyer can refer you to counselors and therapists who can help your family get through the difficult times.
A good family law lawyer should approach your case as a "problem solver," not to escalate the issues between the parties. Seeking advice when the problems develop could make a difference in the future of your family.
Elisabeth Camaur, Attorney At Law
Certified Family Law Specialist by the California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization
Camaur Crampton Family Law
19200 Von Karman Avenue, 6th Floor
Irvine, CA 92612 (949)622-5530
www.CamaurCrampton.com
EC@CamaurCrampton.com